Why do you need a dress?
by rachelah
Summary: Harry Potter is in a predicament that vaguely resembles that of a fairy tale character. The Muggleborn students of Hogwarts take this idea and run with it. Warnings inside not that there are many, it's a nice innocent story


Warnings: Implied slash (because girls can't be princes) and implied crossdressing (because it was necessary) Minorly implied a pairing but I can't give it away yet. _Someone_ needs to kiss the princess.

The version of Snow White told here is probably not correct. Some of it most definitely is not. I figured that given this is what I remember, what the students of Hogwarts remember is probably as wrong.

Harry is currently unconscious in the hospital wing.

* * *

"So if anyone knows how to counter this malady please go to Madame Pomfrey to suggest how she can wake Mr Potter." Dumbledore finished his announcement.

"I didn't realise his skin was as white as snow. It doesn't look it." One boy called out.

"His hair's as black as ebony though." Another replied, grinning.

"Who's his girlfriend?"

"He doesn't have one."

"Ex-girlfriend then?"

"Er…Chang, Ravenclaw. Broke up when she ran out of Puddifoot's crying. That was a while ago though." A confused pureblood replied.

"Was she his true love?"

"Does it need to be his true love or does he need to be hers?"

"Good question." A boy got up and walked to the top of his table. The other people involved in the discussion moved up with him.

"It would be easier to work out if it was mutual true loveiness."

"Much."

"We'll just have to work on them feeling that he is their true love."

"Mm."

"Who then?"

"It'll be a bit hard to distinguish between loving the idea of Harry Potter and loving Harry Potter. How do we distinguish?"

"Line everyone up and making them all kiss him?"

"It would take a lot of time."

"Do we have a better idea?"

"Excuse me." Dumbledore interrupted "Does all this mean you know what the problem is?"

"Oh yes." One girl answered.

"Could you explain to us then? If we know why he is comatose we have a better chance of making him better."

"Well." One boy stepped forward, "Ages ago there was a woman. And on a snowy day she was snowing and she wished for a daughter with skin as white as snow, hair as black as ebony and lips as red as the blood that came out of her finger when she stabbed herself with the needle. Later a child materialised only it was male not female. The woman died and the father of the boy, named Harry Potter, remarried. This woman was awfully vain. She had this mirror and she would ask it everyday "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" and the mirror told her it was her. But one day it told her that the fairest was actually Sn-Harry which doesn't really make sense as s-he isn't blond. Anyway. The stepmother hired a woodcutter to take Sn-Harry into the forest and cut out h-his heart and bring it back to her. The woodcutter couldn't kill Sn-Harry though because he was a nice person so he cut out a pig's heart and gave that to her instead. Sn-Harry went off into the forest and began living with seven dwarves called Grumpy, Dozy…er…"

"Sleepy."

"Happy."

"Dopy."

"Sneezy."

"Grumpy."

"Haven't we already had that one?"

"Anyway." The storyteller called back his audience's attention "There were seven dwarves. They looked after h-him. When the stepmother found out she was very annoyed and came to try to kill Sn-Harry. First she tried to sell h-him poisoned hair ribbons. S-He didn't buy. Then she tried to sell h-him poisoned hair combs. S-He still wasn't buying. Then she came with apples and s-he bought one and ate it. S-He fell to the ground dead until h-his prince in shining armour comes to give h-him true love's kiss. Prince!" he turned back to the group. "Prince! It needs to be a prince."

"How's about…?" one said quietly.

"Oh yes."

"Yes. It's got to be him."

"Definitely."

"So everyone that thinks he needs to kiss Potter whether he wants to or not say aye."

A chorus of "aye"s rang out.

"And who wants to frogmarch him there if he doesn't comply?"

"I will."

"I will!"

"Right."

The group marched over to the Slytherin table and had a quick chat with Draco Malfoy before grabbing him and pulling and pushing him to the hospital wing.

* * *

"Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape." Jack Smith ran up to the Staff Table. "Could you let Ianto and Kaylee off lessons this afternoon?"

"Why?" Snape asked him.

"Because they're trying to wake up Potter but Malfoy isn't cooperating."

"Why is Malfoy trying to wake up Potter?"

"He isn't sir, that's the problem."

"Let me rephrase then. Why is Malfoy necessary to wake Potter?"

"Because he's Malfoy."

"Are you still continuing with the Snow White theory?"

"Yes sir."

"So you are postulating that Malfoy is Potter's princely true love?"

"Well he is a prince."

"Really."

"Well that's his nickname sir."

"And the true love bit?"

"The age old theory of enmity being a result of attraction. They appear to hate each other therefore they love each other."

"So Mr Malfoy, Mr Jones and Miss Tyler are missing this afternoon's lessons because of a passing similarity between Mr Potter and Snow White, Mr Malfoy's nickname being Prince and Mr Malfoy and Mr Potter disliking each other?"

"Yes sir."

"What next if it doesn't work?" he asked acidly "Treat it like Sleeping Beauty?"

"Oh that would be brilliant sir." Jack's mind raced. "If it was like Sleeping Beauty. It'd need to not cause everyone to fall asleep because someone would need to put Potter in a dress and arrange him on a bed…Dress! Excuse me Professors."

He ran down the aisle, bumping into Sarah Noble coming from the hospital wing. "Did they get permission Jack?"

"Not yet. You can ask. I've worked out why it's not working. He's not in a dress." He ran to the door.

* * *

"Professor Dumbledore, can we go out of school for a bit please? We need to buy something to make Potter better."

"Is it by any chance a dress?" Snape asked.

"Yes sir." Jack replied, "There's a Disney shop near Ianto's home so we can go there to get a Snow White dress."

"Mr Smith," Dumbledore began kindly "I am afraid I cannot allow that. A dress is surely not necessary."

"We think it is sir. But if we cannot go then we will have to find an alternative way of getting a Disney Snow White dress."

"Very well."

"Thank you sir." Jack walked away.

* * *

Ianto's younger sister bought them a dress, Sarah enlarged it and they dressed Harry in it. Draco was getting behind on his schoolwork and tired of being tied to a hospital bed. I'll leave the rest for you to figure out dear reader.


End file.
